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The Rules of Real Estate

There are so many rules of real estate, that it's hard to pick one over another, but here's where we're at:

1. Never sleep with your realtor.
Unless she offers to take less commission. Oh wait, that sounds like prostitution. Scratch that.

2. Starbucks proximity.
Must be within 3 blocks of a Starbucks. Poor people can't afford Starbucks, so then you know you're in a nice neighborhood.

3. Paint everything yellow.
It's warm and fuzzy, like a golden retriever, or just gold. And remember, gold=money.

4. Don't buy a house next door to drug dealers.
Or a crack house, meth lab, opium den, weed garden, or peyote forest.

5. Never get emotional.
Real estate is not personal (unless you did the rule #1 thing).

6. Sometimes "ugly" means "profit" and sometimes "ugly" means "pass."
Just like girls at a party.

Flip Tips

No one flips alone. Here is our advice on how to get into real estate investing.

David and Richie Comment on Important News Articles


Flippin' Myths De-bunked!

Myth #1:
Anyone can make money
in real estate.

That's a lie. Some people don't have vision, and without vision you can't make money in real estate. Blind people have the hardest time with vision because they can't see, and it's hard to hear, touch, smell or taste vision. Also, if you don't have a good credit score, no one will lend you money.

Myth #2:
When looking at houses, it's what's on the inside that counts (i.e., carpet, structure, replacement windows, breakfast nook, etc.).

Real estate is just like dating. It's all well and good if you find a woman with a great personality, or is set to have babies. But if she doesn't have "the goods up top" and doesn't like to drink, then what fun will we have making those babies?

Myth #3:
The real estate market bubble
is about to burst.
In order for the bubble to burst, there has to be a bubble in the first place. Let's look at what a bubble really is: it's round, see-through, and infinitely expandable. I've never seen a house like that. (But if I did, I'd buy it.)

Myth #4:
If your hairdresser is in the market, you're too late.

Not true. Anyone can make money in the market, at any time. It's easy to out-bid a hairdresser on a house. I have money to offer, and all they have is the ability to barter haircuts. (umm... this house costs $279,000, or 45,000 flat-tops).

Myth #5:
Adding a pool adds value to your home.

Huge lie. A pool can drag down the value of your house. Especially if the neighbor kid drops a brown submarine in there while you're on vacation.

Other, Less Important Articles That Would be Made More Important if David and Richie Would Comment on Them

FICO Thoughts

Remember: credit scores aren't just about using your Visa to buy drinks for chicks. It's about trust. Proving you're trustworthy to borrow money. Cash-o-lah. The greenbacks. Sweet lettuce. Here's the rub: if your credit score stinks, no one will lend you money.

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